It's been awhile........

I haven't posted any blogs on here, in awhile.  So this is my attempt at opening myself back up & to start writing again.

I have a select few ways of stress relief. Riding my Harley, writing & hitting the gym.  Riding my Harley & hitting the gym are out of the question, since my back surgery last November.  I've wanted to write but I have days where I seem unable to organize my thoughts enough to write.  i do believe that is caused by stress of all kinds that has been filling my life. 

I was raised that a man should work & provide for his family.  Even tho, I know that, physically, I have not been able to work, since February 10, of last year, that doesn't change what it does to me mentally.  I grew up on a farm working, starting about 8-9yrs old.  At 16yrs old, I got my first job, off of the farm & since then I've been completely jobless 3 times, for no more than 30 days & 2 of those times it was only about a week before I had a job.  The longest was the thirty days it took to find a job when I moved to Tulsa, OK, for school.  Most of my adult life, I've worked 2 jobs constantly & even a 3rd job on the weekends doing remodeling jobs with my dad.  I've never had to worry about a job cuz I've always had at least 1 job, if not 2.  The past almost 16mths, with not being able to work, has been a very humbling & devastating experience, for me.  It can make a person feel worthless & that they are not important for anything.  And yes, there's even days when I feel like God isn't helping me through any of this BUT even though those thoughts are there sometimes, I KNOW God is with me EVERY day... He proves that every day that I get to spend with Baby Jax.  That little miracle, alone, shows me that God is with us every day & I thank Him for that too, every day.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

Until you've been in someone's shoes, walked the exact same path, faced the same obstacles as the person who owns those shoes, then you truly do not know what they are going through.  The physical, the mental & the financial battles that they face every day. 

Some will say that person is just complaining constantly. Some will look at that person & think, "I'm glad it's not me."  Some will say, "it's not as bad as they think" & some will say, "it's all made up."  Some will disappear from sight almost completely.  Then there will be a VERY small few, who genuinely care, & will reach out because their eyes, mind & heart see the pain of the battles & how worn down from the battles, that person is & they know it's all real, not imagined.  This last group also see how the battle affects this person's loved ones & reaches out to them, too.  

Which group do you belong too?  Is the group you chose, an example of how Christ teaches us to love & live?  Something to think about....... 

#LoveGod #LovePeople #ServeTheCity

#LoveLikeJesus

Much Love & Respect,

Scrap Iron "Tattooed Preacher"

Adoption~Written in my journal on 3/28/13

Just a little forward to my journal entry, on 3/28/13... This journal documents events & my feelings about these events... Nothing I write or say, is meant to hurt anyone's feelings but sometimes that happens when you're trying to explain how your own personal feelings are... Just as long as you keep in mind, that any hurt is not intentional... Another note, when i refer to "my parents", I'm referring to my parents that adopted me... They have raised me since I was little... I call them Mom & Dad because that is who they are... Calling them anything else would be disrespectful, in my eyes... Hope ya'll enjoy my first journal entry... It took a LOT out of me, writing it that first night BUT I also felt energized/excited... Hopefully, by reading it & seeing how I have learned to deal with things & how I hurt myself, by holding some things in for so long, you can use it to help in your own lives...

I'm doing this for journal/blog for 2 reasons
1) To help myself, deal with anything that I haven't dealt with & to start a journey towards any healing that i need to do...
2) Hopefully, help at least one person with what I have gone through & learned through the years

Ok, here we go, it's time to begin...

"I was adopted about 2wks before my 4th birthday, in 1975... From what i've been told, my biological mother was 15yrs old when she had me... I've been told that my biological dad was 16yrs old... i was born in 1971... My biological mother married my step father when she was about 16yrs old & my sister was born... Later in life, I learned more of what all happened, before i was adopted, but that will come later... My biological father was not around for very long... Would love to find that side of the family someday, too... It would bring closure on where I came from, finally...

The day I was adopted, I didn't even know that I had a sister... Do to certain circumstances, we were adopted into separate families... What I do remember was living in a few different places but the last place I remember, I remember an older couple... I remember them telling me to come her cuz they had some good news to tell me... They both had tears in their eyes & the older man told me "You're going to have a new home AND a new mommy & daddy"... I remember being excited because they seemed like they were excited, in spite of their tears... For a long time, I thought they were foster parents... I no longer think that anymore... I believe that couple, in my memory, was my biological grandmother & her brother, my great uncle... I came to this conclusion, after meeting my biological grandma & her telling me more of what went on, before i was adopted...

Another story, that my parents told me about, that I talked about for quite awhile after they adopted me, was a strange one... I talked about my "green" mommy & my "black" daddy... Strange, huh? My parents even checked with the Nebraska Children's Home, that I was adopted out of... They were stumped as well & even said that none of the foster homes I had been in, were interracial... Even in the 70's, they automatically thought that was what i was referring too... I've thought about that story, for years... We kept in close contact with the Nebraska Children's Home throughout the years & the man who placed me with my family... Through him & through my biological mother's side of the family, some things were slowly pieced together... There was a major amount of physical abuse, by my step father... This is the conclusion, that I have come too... The "green" mommy was my biological mother, healing from the beatings... Bruises start out "black & blue" BUT turn a yellowish/green, as they heal... You can probably figure out who the "black" daddy was... My step father... He must've been in such a rage constantly, that i associated his whole image, as black, like storm clouds that scare us, as children... It was a few years ago, when that finally hit me... When it did, I just KNEW that had to be who I was talking about, all those years ago... When telling my parents this story, I had also talked about "my baby", too... Years later, we would find out that I had to have been talking about my baby sister... Years later, I found out that a lot of the abuse that i suffered was from trying to defend my biological mother from my step father... It makes a lot of sense now... All my life, I've been very protective of my loved ones... Sounds like that started at a VERY young age...

The day I met my "new" parents is a day, I will never forget... I had a paper grocery sack, remember those? In it, were my toys & clothes... If you remember those, you KNOW that for it to have toys & clothes in it, I didn't have a whole lot of possessions... I ran into the room whre they waited for me, dumped out my sack, punched my dad in the stomach, pulled his beard & said "Hi!" Quite the entrance, huh?

Ok, i'm done for tonight... Time to rest..."

Much Love & Respect,
Scrap Iron "Tattooed Preacher"

Let's start out simple....

       Where to start & how to begin, this question has rolled through my head for a couple of months now... Growing up, I have always used writing as an outlet or tool, to deal with situations in my life...   It helped me deal with times of stressful, hurtful & even happy times... Most of what I've written over the years, I had kept safe in binders... In the last 3yrs, I have lost most of it, though... This upsets me but it saddens me even more, for the simple fact that these papers are part of my memories of growing up... It's ok, I will get over it... 

       I recently started 2 different journals... The first one, which this particular blog's postings will be about, is a journal starting from when i was adopted 2wks before my 4th birthday until now... I am 41yrs old now, so that one is going to take awhile & will be several blogs... The second journal starts on March 22nd 2013, the day I found out that I have scoliosis.... I plan on starting a second blog, for that one... I think it would be too confusing to try & have posts from both journals, all on one blog... 

      I went through a period of about 12yrs, where I didn't write anything... I bottled up every feeling, emotion & problem that I was going through, during that time period... I started both of these journals, to help me work through some issues that I have been having... I look at it as a way to try & sort things out, to get to the root of the problems... If I seem to ramble in my writing, at times, it's just me wading through & sorting the thoughts out in my head... Stick with me, I will eventually get to where I am going... My hope is this... By laying my life out there, as i work through my issues, maybe it will help at least one person going through the things I've gone through, in my life... Nothing that I post on here is meant to hurt anyone, in any way... I'm just going to be honest & open about the events in my life & the feelings that went along...

    Thank you, for taking the time to read this... I will post more soon... 


Much Love & Respect,
Scrap Iron "Tattooed Preacher"